http://blog.duyha.com/

Narcissism vs. Authentic Self-Esteem

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 03:05:32 -0600

On Hope by Nicolas Zankas

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 23:24:00 -0600

Stop your attachment to outcomes. When you are gonna do something, truly think whether it’s the right thing to do. That’s enough!

When you think of the word “hope,” it probably conjures up light and fluffy thoughts. Hope is generally considered to be a good thing, a feeling that people generally like to feel. The dictionary defines hope as, “to desire with expectation of obtainment.” The key with hope is that the outcome is somewhat expected though not guaranteed. There is doubt, and the doubt is what makes hope so addictive.

Gambling is the ultimate example of hope addiction. The people who sit in front of slot machines for hours on end are stuck on the hope that the next pull will yield a better result than the previous. They all know that there’s a possibility, and a pretty good one, that the next pull will result in no payout at all. But it’s the hope that there will be a payout that keeps them going. Every small payout eggs them on. Look, it’s possible to win so I know it can happen. How often do you see someone win big in a casino and them gamble away the winnings? It’s not the gambling itself that they can’t break away from, it’s the hope of a payout.

Hope and disappointment are closely related. The definition of disappoint is “to fail to meet the expectation or hope of.” When you hope for something and don’t get it, you’re disappointed. Someone singing in a karaoke bar to have fun is not disappointed; the same person singing in front of a talent agent may be disappointed because of the hope of being signed. It’s the same activity, just different circumstances. The difference is the hope attached to the latter situation makes disappointment a more real possibility.

Hope can get us through tough times, as many prisoners of war can attest, but when hope is left alone without even a hint as to the outcome, it transforms into another state. This state is uncomfortable and is a balancing act between hope and disappointment called doubt.

Doubt isn’t quite the opposite of hope though it’s close. Doubt supposes that the expected result might not occur, and the anxiety caused by bouncing back and forth between hope and doubt is what I call angst (though this is not the book definition). You’re really hoping that something happens but you’re starting to believe it probably won’t. The possibilities swirl in your head…all the reasons it could happen…all the reasons it might not. The longer you wait for a result, the worse you feel.

One of the precepts of Buddhism is that suffering is caused by attachment: attachment to things, attachment to people, attachment to outcomes. Attachment to outcomes is closely related to hope. Hoping for a particular outcome and not getting it leads to disappointment, and disappointment is a feeling of suffering. If you can release attachment, so they say, you will not experience suffering.

Following that theory, you experience less suffering if you have no hope. I know it sounds kind of grim, but hear me out. If hope leads to disappointment and disappointment is suffering, then stopping hope means stopping suffering; it’s simple logic. Without hope, there is also is no angst. Since angst is hope plus doubt, removing hope simply leaves doubt, and doubt alone is not nearly as disturbing as angst.

In my world, hope is reserved for things over which you have no control. If you have a tumor, you hope it’s benign, and yes, you even hope that the Patriots win the Super Bowl. You should not hope to get a raise, you should work to get it; you should not hope to have plans Saturday night, you should make it happen.

When I want something, I don’t hope for it, expecting it to magically appear just because I want it; I do everything in my power to get it. If I fail, I fail knowing that there was nothing else I could do. There is something comforting about knowing that you gave it your all even if the desired result wasn’t achieved.

Like most feelings, hope is neither good nor bad, it just is. The proper application of hope can galvanize efforts while the improper use can lead to complacency and suffering. I think it’s an important distinction to make: is this something I should hope for or is this something I should work for?

Source: http://www.nicholaszakas.com/tag/disappointment/

Hope

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:35:00 -0600

Hope isn’t bad, but why should we hope for something?

Isn’t hope the ultimate reason for disappointment? And isn’t disappointment the cause of complication, emotion, and sadness?

Then why should we hope? Do what we think and let time decide the result.

Same for love, hope is what keeps so many people in an endless circle of not knowing what they “should” do.

I won’t use the word “hope” anymore, because I suffered enough.

不是自己的永远不是的永远去拿拿得不到拿到第一次拿不到第二次永远去拿拿什么？

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 09:05:00 -0600

不是自己的永远不是的

永远去拿拿得不到

拿到第一次拿不到第二次

永远去拿拿什么？

Three friends (A true story)

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 10:13:09 -0600

Part 1

Once upon a time, there were three students: Ochnie, Orchie, and Happie. They all went to the same school, were in the same class, and became good friends. Orchie was extremely intelligent. She aced all classes and got into a prestigious university. Orchie could not ace the university entrance examination so she went to an accounting seminar. Happie was not smart, and got married to a poor man… To be continued.

A story on limerence

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 08:45:00 -0600

Wow, I have been thinking about this subject quite alot recently. One summer almost 20 years ago, I met a girl at a party. I can honestly say that I fell in love with her almost instantly. She was incredibly beautiful,smart, athletic, and had a great personality. She was everything I coulld never imagine being in one person. Even though she had told me that she kind of had a boyfriend, we agreed to go to a concert together. Whats worse is that she was actually on a date with the person who was having the party. Needless to say I saw her at one point kissing the guy who was having the party. Common sense told me that I should just cut my losses at that point and move on. I wish to this day that I would have left, because as I was attempting to leave, she proceded to follow me out to my car so that we could exchange phone numbers. We ended making out for about an hour, and it being the 4th of july you can imagine what it was like with fireworks going off over your head and being what to my mind was the perfect woman for me. She was staying over at this guys house. I had a really bad feeling leaving that night, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
We eventually went to the concert about ten days later, and had a great time. After the concert she asked me to come back to her place and were up all night, even when I told her I had to get up in the morning for work. It was pure bliss is the only way I can describe it. I was not my intention to call this girl for a while though. She though called me the next day to tell me what a great time she had. Then she showed up at my house a few days later after work. A week or so later she invited me to spend the weekend with her and her family and friends. All the while telling me how she had never been attracted to anyone before like she was to me. I was really reluctant to have sex with her though, because she told me she had a problem with committment and I knew for some reason that she was reckless. Her own cousin told me to watch out for her. I couldnt help myself though, and I found myself in love and genuinely caring for her. That summer though she went on vacation. When she came back she decided to get back with her old boyfriend. She never called me , or wrote me, and she refused to see me. Of course I was devestated. I wrote her and called her, but it was all in vain. I cant explain the depession I went through. Not because she wanted to be with someone else, I really cared for her and wanted her to be happy. Because the last time I spoke with her I asked her why she couldnt call me, because I thought we were at least friends. She told me she did not know me long enough to be friends. Well that was like someone stabbing me in the heart.
I did my best though, and though it hurt tremendously I stayed away and moved on with my life. I eventually wrote her and told her I was sorry for anything I had said and that I thought she was special and that maybe someday she could think of me as a friend. 2 and a half years later when I came home from work there was a letter from her in my mailbox. She told me that she did not handle things very well, and that my letter had touched her,and that she was still single, but that she had recently started talking to her old boyfriend again, and that she had dated another guy for a year.
I never contacted her though because her letter was ambivilent, and I had a girlfriend at the time. I recently saw a couple of pictures on the internet. I wish I never looked her up though because when I saw her picture it was like I fell in love all over again. I am married now though, and I have 2 beautiful children. My marriage is not that great, so It makes it worse.
I know its totally illogical, to feel that way for a person, but I truly believe that I was the best person for her and she for me. Love is not rational, or predictable or a guarantee. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this I think you have to be patient,and kind and forgiving. The only true love example is a parent for a child. Romantic love is somewhat an illusion, and 2 adults will always dissapoint one another. I dont believe this girl ever married, and I believe she has somewhat of a handicap maybe because her parents were divorced, or maybe she was just to pretty, and everything came too easy for her. I could never contact her again, because the chance of being rejected again is not worth it. It was like being on an incredible drug, with a crash that is immeasureable.

Source: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-02-06-limerence_N.htm

Scientific explanation on the honeymoon of any relationship.

Normally, the beginning of a relationship is marked by the “honeymoon period,” whereby both people feel intense euphoria, have obsessive-compulsive-like thoughts about the other, and experience a heightened desire to tear each other’s clothes off. This blissful state is due to a hormonal cocktail of oxytocin (the “bonding” chemical released during sex), dopamine (a pleasurable neurotransmitter), and elevated levels of the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, all triggered by the sheer novelty of the relationship.

Source: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/love-sick

Welcome to the limerent world.

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 08:28:30 -0600

Welcome to the limerent world.

我以为我可以当你的好朋友只要在你身边守护你这样就够了我发现我错了我真舍不得可不可以，让我爱你。。。

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:59:41 -0600

我以为我可以当你的好朋友

只要在你身边

守护你这样就够了

我发现我错了

我真舍不得

可不可以，让我爱你。。。

Good memories: Oct 27

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 22:59:16 -0600

Oh hey. If you still remember, Oct 27 was the first day you came to my room :) and from there all good memories began.

We both spent good times and good feelings for each other, from our heart. Let them be forever precious. Whatever should happen happened. Two people can’t stay together forever. That’s life.

Let go everything except the good times we had together. Let us remember the day we stayed up together to do homework, the day we dedicated to be siblings, and the day we smiled together waiting on Black Friday. Those were definitely good times. Do you still remember when you had your first burrito at a random Mexican store?

Let’s live a good life and respect all the good memories. Life is harsh, but it made us together. Wherever we will be, no matter how far, smile when we think of our times together. Let’s be each other’s support, so that when life treated us unfairly, we would always be there for each other.

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:09:10 -0600

robots!

Why were you born?

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 22:45:00 -0600

Have you ever wondered why you were born?

You were born to live. To live is the main responsibility of being born, but not everyone fulfills that responsibility well.

A lot of people live other people’s lives: friends’, parents’, idols’, brothers’, sisters’, and professors’. You were born to be an unique color in the social clutter of other colors. That is how a palette of colors is created, from those unique colors: you.

If everyone was the same, then there is no need to have another you born in this life. Human will then not be human. We would be robots which are programmed to be exactly the same. The mosaic above would simply be like this.

So yes. Pay full respect, appreciate, and embrace your uniqueness. You are special. I am too. There is no point of trying to live other people’s lives. For me, to live is to make everyday of living worth. By worth, I mean to contribute to make a better environment for people around me. People’s embraces and sincerity to others are what make the social mosaic lively.

Live your dreams. Do what you like. Act as how you think it should be. Love and embrace the uniqueness of other colors around you. That’s what live is all about. To be born is to be yourself, and to be your own color.

I know you wouldn’t come, but can’t stop myself from...

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:34:53 -0600

I know you wouldn’t come, but can’t stop myself from waiting.

Photo credit to: RhiannonDaire

This is for you! What are words if you really don’t mean...

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 17:14:00 -0600

This is for you!

What are words if you really don’t mean them when you say them
What are words if they’re only for good times then they don’t
When it’s love. Yeah, you say them out loud those words, they never go away.
They live on, even when we’re gone…

这世界滴滴点点全部都是你。我会紧紧抱着你！

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 15:53:49 -0600

这世界滴滴点点全部都是你。我会紧紧抱着你！

缘分把我们连了起来。现在我们分开也就是缘分的主意。如果真的有缘分以后就做好友。我会过得好，等到那时候，我们会再一起玩儿。以前有事情会都忘了，永远做好友，如同那边海，永远不改变。

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 12:19:41 -0600

缘分把我们连了起来。现在我们分开也就是缘分的主意。如果真的有缘分以后就做好友。我会过得好，等到那时候，我们会再一起玩儿。以前有事情会都忘了，永远做好友，如同那边海，永远不改变。

"If I went back to college again, I’d concentrate on two areas: learning to write and to speak..."

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 10:39:00 -0600

“If I went back to college again, I’d concentrate on two areas: learning to write and to speak before an audience. Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively.”

- Gerald R. Ford

TED Talk: Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 09:01:47 -0600

TED Talk:

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

2011 Recap :)

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 11:36:00 -0600

It’s December 31st :) I am taking my flight back to Minneapolis and celebrating new year in the Twin Cities.

New York Dec’10-Jan’11

My birthday in 2011.

Interim Bio Group Jan ‘11

Seoul, Korea Jan ‘11

Vietnam Jan-Feb ‘11

International Night ‘11

Los Angeles June ‘11

San Francisco June ‘11

Beijing July ‘11

Shanghai Aug ‘11

Sophomore year trip Nov ‘11

Chicago Nov-Dec ‘11

Washington DC Dec ‘11

Visiting Harvard Business School Dec ‘11

Boston Dec ‘11

New York City Dec ‘12

Happy New Year 2012! It will be a good year. :)

How are you Duy? Jurgen. lol

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 00:17:47 -0600

lol. didn’t check this until now…

when did you send it? haha.

"Employees First, Customers Second […] We want people to be burning up with desire to pursue..."

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 16:59:43 -0600

“Employees First, Customers Second […] We want people to be burning up with desire to pursue their interests. Fascinated by their assignments. Jumping out of their skins with excitement about what’s next. Eagerly pursuing better solutions and new initiatives.”

- HCL CEO

http://blog.duyha.com/

Narcissism vs. Authentic Self-Esteem

On Hope by Nicolas Zankas

Hope

不是自己的永远不是的 永远去拿拿得不到 拿到第一次拿不到第二次 永远去拿拿什么？

Three friends (A true story)

A story on limerence

Welcome to the limerent world.

我以为我可以当你的好朋友 只要在你身边 守护你这样就够了 我发现我错了 我真舍不得 可不可以， 让我爱你。。。

Good memories: Oct 27

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Why were you born?

I know you wouldn’t come, but can’t stop myself from...

This is for you! What are words if you really don’t mean...

这世界滴滴点点全部都是你。我会紧紧抱着你！

缘分把我们连了起来。现在我们分开也就是缘分的主意。如果真的有缘分以后就做好友。我会过得好，等到那时候，我们会再一起玩儿。以前有事情会都忘了，永远做好友，如同那边海，永远不改变。

"If I went back to college again, I’d concentrate on two areas: learning to write and to speak..."

TED Talk: Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

2011 Recap :)

How are you Duy? Jurgen. lol

"Employees First, Customers Second […] We want people to be burning up with desire to pursue..."

不是自己的永远不是的永远去拿拿得不到拿到第一次拿不到第二次永远去拿拿什么？

我以为我可以当你的好朋友只要在你身边守护你这样就够了我发现我错了我真舍不得可不可以，让我爱你。。。